What is Life, Without a Little Risk?

I sat and stared at the topic for this week's post for so long that the word 'risk' began to look seriously misspelled. Has that ever happened to you? Risk. R. I. S. K. Just me? Okay then.

Well, I really had to delve deep to come up with something here. Not that I've necessarily played it safe in my life but I don't really equate some of the things I've done with risk per se. To clarify the topic, I looked up the definition - (1) possibility of loss or injury: peril (2) someone or something that creates or suggests a hazard; (3)...you get the idea. This information only made writing this post more challenging. 

Initially, I thought I'd write about making the decision to join the MPI program. How I thought about applying for months and reread the program description over and over again before I finally submitted an application (last minute, the day it was due). I also scheduled my GRE test that night and took it two weeks later. Not only was it difficult to make the commitment for the usual reasons - student loan debt being a BIG one - but also the time I would be spending away from my kiddos to focus on my studies. Again, my issues with commitment resurfaced and even after I purchased my plane ticket for Italy I thought, I don't HAVE to do this. The day I was due to fly out, there were weather delays and as I sat waiting, I still wasn't absolutely sure I was actually going to get on the plane and leave my family for three weeks. 

Now I know there was no sense of impending injury or mortal peril but being away from them felt like a loss to me so I guess getting on the plane was my own version of risk. As I've stated in prior posts, it's making the leap that takes me the most time but once I do it, I'm a goner. What was initially going to be a slow progression through the MPI program turned into a full-time commitment to see it through as quickly as I could manage. 

Still, I wanted a truer example of genuine risk - something that should be more anxiety-ridden or scary. Finally, I recalled making the decision to quit my role as Merchandising Manager at Poshtots to join a start-up.  It was at the height of the recession. Nobody was hiring at the time. I was not going to be paid. I didn't know the partners (well, except for Brandon). I was also going to have to pack and ship orders. I'd be working in a grimy warehouse. In this instance, I was truly giving up something - a secure role and a consistent paycheck to take a chance on a real venture. 

I should have been more apprehensive but the fact is I leapt without really thinking. The decision was more or less a reaction to intense burnout and frustration. After Poshtots' parent company filed for bankruptcy, I was given the task of convincing our vendors to stick with us. Again, this was during the height of the recession and we had literally put some of them out of business by not meeting our financial obligations. There are many other things that led to my decision to leave but I see no need in rehashing it all here. Needless to say, my choice to leave was emotionally driven and I'm not sure I would have made the same choice if I wasn't dealing with a great deal of stress at work. 

All that said, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. The partners had worked for S&K Menswear for many years and the company had just been shuttered. They were not only leaving a hole in the marketplace but we also were able to negotiate large discounts on beginning inventory and had access to crucial data that gave our marketing program a jumpstart. Within three months, the website was live and we were selling merchandise. It was also thrilling because I was the only one working full-time and had to figure everything out on the fly. I negotiated rates with UPS and set-up all of our logistics. I learned HTML so I could code custom email campaigns. I found holes in the product assortment and worked with vendors to design suits - my most successful product line being low-priced seersucker suits that exploded in the collegiate market. This is where I learned that I prefer to be the 'swiss army knife' on teams or the 'I know a lot about a lot but I'm not an expert at anything' person. I loved building that company and was crushed when the partnership imploded. But, I learned a lot about myself there and used the experience to build a small consultancy business where I had the opportunity to work with other start-ups. 

Now that I'm rolling, I can now think of lots of other examples of risk in my life but I'll end it with the sweetest one. My husband and I were connected to a birth mother in February of 2016. We were told that most couples run through several birth mothers before there is a successful placement. But, somehow I just knew it was going to work out. We drove to West Virginia to meet her and the birth father. We hired a lawyer. We paid for the home study. We updated the nursery. And, four months later, we got the call at 11:30pm that our second daughter Lillian was coming. I got in the car by myself and drove over the mountains to meet her. It wasn't until I lost my GPS signal and got lost that I wondered what the hell I was doing. Would it all work out? It did.