Hello Darkness, My Old Friend...

Not sure why the topic of FEAR makes me think of this Simon + Garfunkel song, but it does. 


Also, the old joke (with darkness obviously sitting it for fear):
Me: Hello Darkness, my old friend...
Darkness: I am not your friend. 

I am very familiar with this podcast, as I'm a HUGE fan of Elizabeth Gilbert. I've read most of her books with Big Magic being a personal favorite that I reread periodically. I'm also a fan of Brene Brown (loved her cameo in Wine Country) and Gretchen Rubin (don't love her podcast as much as her books though). 

For me, fear tends to manifest as the inability to commit and began shortly after my father died my senior year of high school. It was like all of the air was forced out of my lungs and suddenly I didn't have the nerve to commit to anything anymore. I was always thinking of my exit strategy and constantly looking for the parachute that would help me exit (even if it wasn't gracefully). 

I struggled to commit to a major as an undergrad so it took me longer to earn my BA. Although I have been in a committed relationship with Brandon since we were juniors in high school, it took me five years to commit to actually getting married after I accepted the engagement ring. While all of my friends were having babies and buying homes, I was happy in my rental with my dog. Even deciding to work on my master's degree took a few years. 

While I know the root of it is my personal history with loss, I think a big part of it is also my inherent nature as a Taurus. I lean very heavily on the side of loyalty, responsibility, and practicality so once I commit, I am a wholehearted participant. I've come to think of this fear as a necessary evil that really makes me reflect deeply before I commit and it's useful because when I don't do this, I spend too much time questioning myself every damn day. 

However, none of this is all that helpful when it comes to starting a business! During 651, I had to constantly remind myself that none of the decisions I was making were etched in stone - i.e. business name, logo, business model, marketing strategy, etc. In fact, I just had to remind my team that the UI we're working on this summer doesn't have to be perfect! That it's okay if we're a little embarrassed by it if it means we can get it in front of some users and gain some feedback more quickly. 

At the end of the day, starting a business is not like having a baby or getting a face tattoo. For me, it's just a series of small steps or little victories that are leading me to something greater. If it's a successful business -> WONDERFUL! If it's a failure -> FINE. Either way, I know that I will exit this phase of my life with more knowledge and experience that I will put to use in another capacity. 


Comments

  1. Mary-ChrisJune 12, 2019 at 10:36 AM

    "starting a business is not like having a baby or getting a face tattoo" <-- This is an amazing piece of wisdom, Jennie (plus it made me laugh)! Thanks for all your reflections here. What you are saying about wanting to make sure the things you commit to are things that you're ready to go 100% in on makes a lot of sense. It seems like, while it may take you longer, you ultimately feel good about your choices. Being able to see that there's a time for that (BIG life decisions- marriage/returning to school/having children), and a time to move a little quicker (business name, logo design, etc.) is a really important distinction. Similarly, I also often need constant reminders about things not being etched in stone. (Or as an indecisive Gemini, sometimes reminding myself "it's just lunch- pick something, already").

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JennieJune 26, 2019 at 8:19 AM

      I cannot take credit for the line! Ironically, I'm pretty sure Violet Davis said it in Eat, Pray, Love. :)

      Delete
    2. Mary-ChrisJuly 2, 2019 at 11:52 AM

      Nice! It's good advice, wherever it came from!

      Delete
  2. GWJune 13, 2019 at 11:31 AM

    In the spirit of sharing, I will say that I recently watched Wine Country and loved that reference in your post. The movie - not so much.
    I've found that for some people the langue of experimentation or running experiments works better to frame the actions of starting a business. It is not some huge leap of faith into the unknown, but rather a collection of very small experiments that build on each other. A new logo? Just an experiment. Your UX? Just an experiment.
    When you think about it this way there is far less to commit to in the process.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JennieJune 26, 2019 at 8:18 AM

      Funny you should post this because this was a topic I responded to strongly in Dr. Reina's leadership course! The reading centered on reframing "initiatives" in the workplace as "experiments" because it completely changes the collective perspective. Initiatives come with the expectation of quantifiable change that should impact the bottom line. they come with pressure and expectations. An experiment is embracing the opportunity to explore and learn. The findings could result in a big change but it's more likely that it brings new knowledge that can be applied in a multitude of ways.

      Delete
  3. Alan Ireland (Vollmer)July 11, 2019 at 4:59 PM

    Fear plays an important part in my life. The fear of instability has forced me to make choices I've felt trapped in, years later. The fear of commitment, I think, is arguably the opposite side of that coin. I fear the choice with the least probable success outcome, meaning I am loathe to take risk. The fear of making the choice itself can often have the same paralyzing effect and force us to remain stagnant. I applaud your courage in taking this program and also in starting a business!

    ReplyDelete

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